MY ZACH – MY SON

April 11th, 1990 – June 23rd, 2019

Zach’s dream was to travel the world and spread the love of God. in his death, he is fulfilling his dream just as much as he did when he was here with us. My son lit up a room. He brought so much joy to everyone that he met. Whether it be in person, or online with his gaming buddies, he was always “love-in-action”. Zach was a rent-a-husband, rent-a-dad, brother, uncle and son. He was larger than life! Losing him feels like I’ve lost 5 kids. The void in our family is huge. In many ways he was our anchor.

Zach was the best friend of many. He was a servant for the Lord. Zach’s heart was so full of love and sometimes, more importantly, grace. Zach knew grace and he extended it better than any other human I know. He was always a voice of reason. He often corrected his sister and I. He truly taught us how to be better when it came to grace. His love for every human being was undoubtedly known. His first love was Jesus, then his family. He was the glue that bound us together. We now have to learn a new way. And let me add that I was his best friend. The love and bond that Zach and I had for each other was one of a kind. He was my first born so we practically grew up together. I was his biggest fan and he sure was mine. I fought along side him until the end. It was Zach that named me the GOAT (Greatest Of All Time).

My son struggled with depression that led to substance abuse and addiction. He fought his battles and never stopped running to Jesus. We know that in his alone time the enemy worked on his mind, and we lost him. BUT, we know that he is sitting with Jesus in Heaven.

What God taught me in the loss of my boy is that someone’s love for the Lord has nothing to do with their struggles or “sin”. We are all sinners, and in one way or another, broken. This is where God’s grace and mercy comes in. This is where the blood of Jesus is applied.

The struggles of addiction never changed Zach’s heart. His love for the Lord and his desire to be better never changed. If anything, he became closer to God during these times. He would tell me how he and God talked all the time. In the end of his time here, He was deceived.

During my grief, I have had the best support system. The Lord has used them to give some answers during my pain. I needed something for God. I was desperate for some kind of understanding after ALL the prayers a mama could pray for her son.

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul.

Hebrews 6:19

My friend, Dee Levens, called one day and had a question for me that God gave her.
She asked me, “Were you ever mad at Eve?”
I responded, “EVE?! What? NO!”
She asked “Why not?”
My answer was, “Because she was deceived!”
She softly replied, “If Eve, the mother of all mankind, in the perfect garden, that wasn’t alone, that didn’t know sin, that had never been abandoned or abused, could be deceived, why couldn’t Zach?”
That was it. I had my answers.

I knew my son’s heart and I know he would NEVER want to hurt me or for our family to suffer such loss. I knew he wouldn’t have wanted to leave us but he had been deceived. BUT, it backfired. The enemy wanted to destroy him and in turn destroy our family. My son had his moment alone with Jesus and when he left this earth, he was welcomed into the loving arms of our Heavenly Father. Zach’s love for the Lord had nothing to do with his sin.

A month before he passed, Zach finally got a tattoo of an anchor that he had wanted for years. He always told me he was anchored in Christ. I never understood the importance of it until he left here. It was his personal reminder of who God was to him and who he was in Christ. In his honor I have created this jewelry with the anchors.

My prayer is to reach people all over the world and spread the love of Jesus through Zach’s story, and to continue the work he started.

If you struggle with addiction – God loves you so much! He loves you just as much as he did when he created you in your mother’s womb! NOTHING you can do will ever make him love you less or MORE! You are a son/daughter of the Most High God and you are unconditionally loved, for He is a good God.

My Zach would want me to share this, “Don’t be deceived.” –

His Mama,

Robyn Karns